Cookie vs Cancer…

I wish I could express how incredibly tired & over- whelmed I am physically, emotionally and mentally. Diagnosis 2020- trying to get treatment and moving out of apt. 2021- treatment finally in mid/late 2022- and now 2023, covid for several wks. before chemo wrap up, and more appts./treatment(s) to keep me well beyond chemo and initial treatment. Not sure how much I have in me to go on at times… or even if I want to. I just try each day…

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Thank you Frank…

so I am reading, The Voice by James Kaplan. Those that don’t know by now, I am a Sinatra fan and I like to read- so there you have it, a nearly perfect union on my mind 😉

The biography is wonderful to read and has a flow as smooth and flavorful as the Jack Daniel’s Mr. S & I prefer as our poison. Well, in the book I read a chapter last night that talked about the song A Foggy Day. Now I adore this song and had my own theory as to why it sounded the way it did- actually I was wrong but more on that some other time. In any case the feeling the song gives you is actually something I got right- score one for the Cookie! Anyhoo, the song gave me the idea to write a poem which I will Attempt here, lol.

A foggy day I met you there-

in back of a truck

it was our luck

that brought us to the airport

that night in the spring

our laughter meant everything.

A foggy day I saw you there-

in the mail room

with thoughts in bloom

a snake wrapped in my arms

we meant you no harm

a spark of chatter ignited everything.

A foggy day I saw you there-

noise all around 

my heart hit the ground?

I was probably drunk

you were too?

– doesn’t matter, I still adore you.

A foggy day and you weren’t there-

fear, heart and spark of two minds

left me behind.

Each time I write

with warmth or gore in ample supply

I search in vain for what made me go blind.

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In the wee small hours of the morning…

i get restless or bored, and lonely. this is one such morning. now for most people, they would simply just roll into bed and sleep it off but for me- that is a terrible notion. it just means that i will be in bed thinking about what i can’t settle in my mind while out of bed, thus not making me comfy or ready for bed.

at present, there is nothing to watch on tv- yay, go cable. i also am not in mood for reading or really writing poetry, two of the things that tend to set my mind at ease. instead, i would rather have a chat with someone over coffee or tea 🙂 sadly, there is no one i can do that with at present. everyone i would talk to is not near me and i do not live near anyone i would want to talk to at this time. grrr.

the thought has crossed my mind to pop in a movie and make some popcorn and see what unfolds but that is my last resort given i’m not really in the mood for a movie i own. double grrr.

it’s times like these that i hate being a night-owl; this all began as i was wrapping up high school. i noticed that i had begun staying up later and later and for no particular reason. then in college the late night chat sessions, paper writing, and food runs cemented this habit into a vow i unknowingly took. triple grrr.

now it seems i can not attempt sleep early w/o the use of germs that render me sick and helpless, more so than usual. it would explain why i almost like being sick- that’s when i get the most and best sleep sometimes. weird, i know. however, i am not wanting to get sick at present, just making a point so sick people- keep away!

perhaps i could engage my cat Cinnamon in a game of tag? for whatever reason she likes to play tag with me and assault me with her nimble claws and sharp teeth- thank you, as if i’m not battered enough from my clumsy tendencies, i need to look like i’ve taken to cutting myself, way to go cat.

i suppose the longer i go on about my mehness at this hour, the likelihood that something will strike me as the right thing to invest my time in? yes, maybe? probably not.  😦

i suppose i will just put this out there for other night-owls to enjoy or not, and just go pop that popcorn and watch a movie- damn, now what the hell should i watch?! quadruple grrr.

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soggy morsels

loneliness is licking my face

my heart is going to waste

here and there i find the time

to pass with another left behind

but they get bored and move on

leaving me to wonder where i went wrong

angst takes over and ravages me

helpless

then my ch’i coaxes me out

and i am

reackless

it’s just me, who cares

not like anyone matters

enough to be there

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