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Posts Tagged ‘cookies’

he tripped over the fields of stupidity

the ticks and ants nibbled on his vulnerability

bruises and cuts mark his bravery

some are hidden from the idiocracy

society mocks his existence-

tells him to sit to beg or to roll over

but he stands tall

and lets his anger

reign over all

that might

oppose him

 

 

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the needle buzzes in my ear

and bashes my heart back into feeling

a voice travels above the noise of the tv

and punches my gut into believing

there is hope for this lost soul

aboard a ship of spastic despair

surrounded by awkward friends

sometime- bastards

and perpetual fools

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now some of you may have read my last blog on what i should do next time i meet a guy that tickles my fancy… i’m seriously considering something like that and charging an outrageous fee for use- who’s w/me.

while some of my methods would violate the geneva conventions, i do think i may have something here w/my ideas of prepping my would be love interest w/questions or tasks in order to deem him worthy.

on a more slightly less violent scale, i am half tempted to draft a contract and have things listed on them, let him go over it w/me in front of a third party and then he signs it. i could then say something like- this position has many applicants but since you were willing to sign this contract, you’ve made your way to top of the list!

such things that would be on list, specific to me would be:

you will contact me at least twice a week, but no more than three times. Exception: lost job, death of person or family pet,  stressful family, stressful friends, band stuff, etc. 

you will contact me at least once on the wknd.

texting & IM-ing, is not an acceptable form of communication, unless: you are at work or we’ve been seeing each other for more than a month. ya see that? it’s a freaking period!

acceptable forms of communication: pick up the damn phone and show real effort! bonus points for writing notes or letters and mailing them or handing them to me upon next meeting.

you will pay for things: breakfast, lunch, dinner or snacks and movies- anything else we shall discuss; i will return favor by also paying for things.

you will ask me questions about myself. believe it or not, i tend to consider a male important and ask him things so he can make himself look awesome and hopefully more appealing to me. so don’t leave me feeling like: does he want to know anything about me. when this happens- warning is given, second time- go away now, you irk me.

you will be responsible for planning things we do. i don’t get paid to be your vacation planner or babysitter.

you will tidy your place up each time i am to enter. seriously- though i am mexican, i am not there to clean your shit! do you see Consuela on my shirt or name tag?!

you will accept that i have male friends and like it! here’s a hint- you want me to have these friends so i don’t strangle you for your sometime stupidity.

i am not high maintenance; however, you will show your affection for me from time to time: pick me a flower, write a poem or cute note, or buy me fries- yes i said it- french fries! better yet- i have guy friends that have known me for yrs.- ask them what i like- duh!

though i am a tomboy, i do like girly things and guess what…. I AM A GIRL!

you will know my pets name and ask me how she’s doing. if i take an interest in your pet, at least try to know i like cats and think they need to be worshiped.

LOL is not acceptable conversation!

you will take me on dates at least twice a month- you plan & pay- not me!

if my birthday comes up- you will treat it as if it were a holiday and take the time to acknowledge it! for ex: i was w/a guy that did NOTHING for my birthday- i even had to pay for a pizza we ate that day. my BFF did more for me than this asshat did. hence why BFF is still around and this guy is not.

b/c i tend to be proactive, it’s almost natural for me to do things right away; however, if it feels as if i am doing the guy’s role in the courtship process- you’re fired & on to the next…

i think these are reasonable requests and are not like the girls i hear that run their man into the ground by insisting that they take them out to 4 or 5 star restaurants, feel the need to argue w/them in public, that want jewelry and/or fancy things.

there are more things i may have forgotten but this is a start and a modest proposal.

 

 

 

 

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