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Posts Tagged ‘feelings’

the smell of urine, vomit and blood tickled the air

tattoos hung as trophies, with morbid care

knives, scalpels and cleavers  gleamed in twilight

congealed blood hugged them each night

she laughs each time they try to run

she mocks their empty pleas

it’s fun that shots from her guns

bring the douche-bags to their knees

so if you’re a guy

alone one night

be wary of she

who bids you good night

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curled up 

her curves are like a cashew

and her dreams are baked

with hope and desire

curled up

her brown locks

throw themselves on mediocre pillows

hard stressed while muscles are pressed

curled up

her eyes flutter

and call to them the carpetbagger- “love”

he is blind, deaf and dumb

to her tender care and soulful mind

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recently i was the bearer of bad news and involved w/a break up. now this is new territory for me and given i’m not sure who did the official goodbye, it’s left me with a lot of uncertain and unhappy emotions. before i cont. : while i initially sent the: yeah not sure what’s going on dove of peace; i’m not sure if that was the: fine it’s over message… bleh, it’s all a disorganized mess to me. anyone that knows me knows this is not good. i need closure or something like it and i got zip. (btw, i’m venting/healing/trying to chug along w/my therapy of words- no angry vibes on my behalf sent anywhere please- it’s my right to vent, not yours concerning this matter) listen to the album pictured above to understand, etc.

anyhoo, so it just got me thinking about why people have problems with others in general and why they often fail to communicate though that is what they feel is key in their own success as a human being navigating the ocean of life.

i tend to leap frog a lot w/my topics so hang tight.

Anyhoo,  so why is it that we can not communicate effectively with one another?

case in point (i’ll pick on me b/c it’s easiest while i’m wounded)… i recently spent a wknd. hanging out with people that are of comfort to me and while i enjoyed their company (loved it actually), i never asked them for the two things i needed most (and still need): to be held for a given amount of time- not sure how much is sufficient, and to be told- it’ll be alright <insert person’s nickname for me>.

now while a lot of you (including the more zazzy version of my nature that rests in a corner of my playroom of ch’i), are probably thinking- get over it you stupid baby! shut up!

i say, why?! who gets to dictate how long is the proper length of time to “let go” of someone that rips your heart out and tosses it by the wayside, ready to be picked up by the next would be “love”??? 

i’ll tell you who- No damn body but you! it’s what i keep telling myself each time i get mopey.

and another thing while i’m at it- i love the people that tell me Now: oh i knew it wouldn’t work out, etc. or well you know…

it’s like gee, thank you good people- like you couldn’t have been thoughtful enough to express your views earlier? i think of that scene in the wedding singer in which robbie [takes a deep breath, sighs] Gee, you know that information… really would’ve been more useful to me *yesterday.* 

seriously people, seriously.

in any case, it doesn’t matter b/c no one knows the good times i shared and how those are the reasons why my ch’i is still out of whack and why i’m doing my best to get it back into better shape. also, i’ve heard and seen other people and honestly, no one really should tell people shit about a relationship b/c Everyone puts up w/their share of crap so to speak- good and bad.

perhaps it really does boil down to what one of my Muses famously told me: it all comes down to ROI, Return On Investment! However much you put into it, you should get back or get back more. oh, and it all depends on how much crazy you want to put up with… guess i was “too much crazy” to handle?!?!?

* have to thank one of my friends for giving me the small bit o’ ch’i to vent and let it out… you rock; potato love back at ya dude.

 

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