a pair of eyes

she walked through a jungle of haunting memories and once happy occasions

she felt a pair of eyes on her; they had been there most of her life

she ran through rains of methane fears and abandoned years

trapped, the eyes greedily devoured her as she trembled on the edge of the cliff

her remains became food for foes- human ants that sting and bite

and carry her mangled meaty bits 

through the jungle’s past present and future

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In the wee small hours of the morning…

i get restless or bored, and lonely. this is one such morning. now for most people, they would simply just roll into bed and sleep it off but for me- that is a terrible notion. it just means that i will be in bed thinking about what i can’t settle in my mind while out of bed, thus not making me comfy or ready for bed.

at present, there is nothing to watch on tv- yay, go cable. i also am not in mood for reading or really writing poetry, two of the things that tend to set my mind at ease. instead, i would rather have a chat with someone over coffee or tea 🙂 sadly, there is no one i can do that with at present. everyone i would talk to is not near me and i do not live near anyone i would want to talk to at this time. grrr.

the thought has crossed my mind to pop in a movie and make some popcorn and see what unfolds but that is my last resort given i’m not really in the mood for a movie i own. double grrr.

it’s times like these that i hate being a night-owl; this all began as i was wrapping up high school. i noticed that i had begun staying up later and later and for no particular reason. then in college the late night chat sessions, paper writing, and food runs cemented this habit into a vow i unknowingly took. triple grrr.

now it seems i can not attempt sleep early w/o the use of germs that render me sick and helpless, more so than usual. it would explain why i almost like being sick- that’s when i get the most and best sleep sometimes. weird, i know. however, i am not wanting to get sick at present, just making a point so sick people- keep away!

perhaps i could engage my cat Cinnamon in a game of tag? for whatever reason she likes to play tag with me and assault me with her nimble claws and sharp teeth- thank you, as if i’m not battered enough from my clumsy tendencies, i need to look like i’ve taken to cutting myself, way to go cat.

i suppose the longer i go on about my mehness at this hour, the likelihood that something will strike me as the right thing to invest my time in? yes, maybe? probably not.  😦

i suppose i will just put this out there for other night-owls to enjoy or not, and just go pop that popcorn and watch a movie- damn, now what the hell should i watch?! quadruple grrr.

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another late night…

rummaging through thoughts in my mind

nothing on tv to pass the time

tummy rumbles, begs to be fed

debating between nutella on bread

and something that would make my tummy feel like lead

am tired enough for a an early sleep

but my angst isn’t the type to not make a peep

so once again i’m up like an owl

perhaps sleep may come with the sound of a fowl

 

 

 

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In the wee small hours…

recently i was the bearer of bad news and involved w/a break up. now this is new territory for me and given i’m not sure who did the official goodbye, it’s left me with a lot of uncertain and unhappy emotions. before i cont. : while i initially sent the: yeah not sure what’s going on dove of peace; i’m not sure if that was the: fine it’s over message… bleh, it’s all a disorganized mess to me. anyone that knows me knows this is not good. i need closure or something like it and i got zip. (btw, i’m venting/healing/trying to chug along w/my therapy of words- no angry vibes on my behalf sent anywhere please- it’s my right to vent, not yours concerning this matter) listen to the album pictured above to understand, etc.

anyhoo, so it just got me thinking about why people have problems with others in general and why they often fail to communicate though that is what they feel is key in their own success as a human being navigating the ocean of life.

i tend to leap frog a lot w/my topics so hang tight.

Anyhoo,  so why is it that we can not communicate effectively with one another?

case in point (i’ll pick on me b/c it’s easiest while i’m wounded)… i recently spent a wknd. hanging out with people that are of comfort to me and while i enjoyed their company (loved it actually), i never asked them for the two things i needed most (and still need): to be held for a given amount of time- not sure how much is sufficient, and to be told- it’ll be alright <insert person’s nickname for me>.

now while a lot of you (including the more zazzy version of my nature that rests in a corner of my playroom of ch’i), are probably thinking- get over it you stupid baby! shut up!

i say, why?! who gets to dictate how long is the proper length of time to “let go” of someone that rips your heart out and tosses it by the wayside, ready to be picked up by the next would be “love”??? 

i’ll tell you who- No damn body but you! it’s what i keep telling myself each time i get mopey.

and another thing while i’m at it- i love the people that tell me Now: oh i knew it wouldn’t work out, etc. or well you know…

it’s like gee, thank you good people- like you couldn’t have been thoughtful enough to express your views earlier? i think of that scene in the wedding singer in which robbie [takes a deep breath, sighs] Gee, you know that information… really would’ve been more useful to me *yesterday.* 

seriously people, seriously.

in any case, it doesn’t matter b/c no one knows the good times i shared and how those are the reasons why my ch’i is still out of whack and why i’m doing my best to get it back into better shape. also, i’ve heard and seen other people and honestly, no one really should tell people shit about a relationship b/c Everyone puts up w/their share of crap so to speak- good and bad.

perhaps it really does boil down to what one of my Muses famously told me: it all comes down to ROI, Return On Investment! However much you put into it, you should get back or get back more. oh, and it all depends on how much crazy you want to put up with… guess i was “too much crazy” to handle?!?!?

* have to thank one of my friends for giving me the small bit o’ ch’i to vent and let it out… you rock; potato love back at ya dude.

 

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