Posts Tagged ‘friends’

he tripped over the fields of stupidity

the ticks and ants nibbled on his vulnerability

bruises and cuts mark his bravery

some are hidden from the idiocracy

society mocks his existence-

tells him to sit to beg or to roll over

but he stands tall

and lets his anger

reign over all

that might

oppose him




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the needle buzzes in my ear

and bashes my heart back into feeling

a voice travels above the noise of the tv

and punches my gut into believing

there is hope for this lost soul

aboard a ship of spastic despair

surrounded by awkward friends

sometime- bastards

and perpetual fools

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so while I am still seeing or whatever-ing it’s called this guy I met online, meeting on Valentine’s Day was an epic fail! lol

recently he was sick & his phone crapped out on him & then a relative was hurt very bad in an accident. so, he has been playing nurse/help/kind relative to him. this means- no me, no nothing until his relative gets better.

so Valentine’s Day started off fine but went downhill fast. i was just in such a mood after losing quasi- positive ch’i i had going into evening- the result was me feeling crappy.

the upside, there is some hope we will meet next time i am in town for some show on the 25th w/my BFF extraordinaire 🙂

we’re in peace talks for a summit that wknd. lol. – eh just being goofy.

despite such barriers, we are still smitten for lack of better word, w/one another- and so it goes.

p.s. thanks to those that have encouraged me to hang in there & not feel need to constantly bring up my previous encounter w/someone.

i know they mean well to caution me but when it comes to being smitten, there are no rules. also, i’ve wasted many opportunities in the past by being more sensible and w/o passion, gusto or any form of enthusiasm.


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with the soon to be released Breaking Dawn, part one coming out in the matter of an hour, lol and with so much protesting and such filtering our minds, i figure i’d take up the topic of love. one of my fb peeps had the question noted above as her post and many chimed in w/their musings on the subject. now i do not think there is a right or wrong way to describe love or how to love; however, i do think that there are basic “golden rules” which apply.  i think everyone if given the choice, wants to be loved w/the best intentions in mind and be treated in a reasonable way. i think both guy and girl would like to find someone that “gets them” and that meshes with them- physically and mentally, if not entirely emotionally. so it’s w/this basis that i continue with: Do you think a “forever” kind of love exists?

I can only speak about my own experiences mind you but I think “forever love” does exist in some form. for sake of this blog i am only going to speak of the love one has for someone in romantic &/or soul-mate sense of word. however, i will say that i think a forever love can exist when you meet friends and others- romantic tendencies aside. i feel that there is a level of attraction in all relationships- platonic and otherwise and that often we meet people that just trigger that, no matter what response/forever kind of love.

but back to the soul-mate &/or romantic and forever love; many a time i have met a guy and for whatever reason we click. many of these guys have played the role of lover for a time but have since gone the way of the dinosaur. this has happened b/c of: timing, location- he lives one place and i live in another, family, work, etc. but then there are some people that no matter what seems to cross your paths, you have deep connections with and just this constant affinity for, a sincere affinity for that comes out when you are near them and it is like a warmth or feeling of bees in your gut. painful as it can be, it’s still oh so good. it is this that i speak of; for me i’ve met a few people that i’ve deemed as my Muses b/c no matter where they are and what they’re doing, for me, i will always have a soft spot for them. the feeling has not changed and that is the key thing. i still have the need to want to help them, spend time w/them, and most of all protect them! these are people i can come in contact with after time apart and that bond just stirs up again and the energy just flows to my mind and throughout my body. however, of those- i like to call them my Four Muses of the Apocalypse, lol… one stands out as my soul-mate. btw, soul-mates do not necessarily have to be

now i must say i am a very emotionally charged person and believe it or not i keep a lot of it in check as best as i can by writing or through other creative avenues, but when i’m around my favorite, i turn into a big gooey cookie and there is no hope of me bothering with others- “sad” to say but true. this person has been there for me even when i think even they did not want to be but still love or something like it, keeps them my constant companion. we met many moons ago and it was a simple meeting and though i was smitten by others at time, i found myself being more drawn to certain company. i am not sure why this happened. it’s not like i put in an order for it or it smacked me over head. it just happened and the more and more i spent time w/them, the more i realized how special they were and how awesome they were. now as we all know, people are not perfect- i of all people am very far from being perfect but often i think we can meet others that eventually come to share our world, and that existence is and has become perfect. the perfection and often sense of even “foreverness” comes from the fact that two energies at motion, often within different orbits, come together when they do and order perhaps is created out of chaos. perhaps it is the times apart and the conflict which keep the energies so drawn to one another- i don’t know. what i do know is that the key is that you can not imagine life w/o them b/c of that conflict endured, joys encountered and not knowing of what the future holds. i think that is what also makes life beautiful and evil all at once- the fact that time and outside factors can take it all the way. if that happens the physical foreverness may be gone but i feel that the energy that lingers is what we can experience long after the person leaves our side or when both entities are gone- permanently or otherwise.

too often in society we are all about: me me me and i i i but with a forever love there is the possibility of being more than ourselves and being there for another being that needs our being to be a better person, etc.  the forever love starts as basic love but through time and life, has grown to mean so much more to them and possibly others that share that space. it is an energy that touches few and wants to be held by so many. i think you have to be open and willing to let it grow in any direction, like a tree.

i realize i may have gone off topic but i tired to topic, if only for a short while, haha.

i also realize i was a little vague about my source of inspiration but that’s b/c while i may seem to just be open about everything there are certain things that i can’t even begin to gush about.



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Sunny was cute and full of adventure.
She talked to everyone, very good- natured.
One evening, Sunny came across a new playmate.
They played tag and played house; they were her favorite mate.

That all changed when Sunny’s mom said, “Who is your new friend?”
Sunny went silent and took her mother’s hand;
she lead her to a hallway, at the very end.
They both looked into the mirror and saw a boy’s floating head.

Sunny giggled while her mother screamed.
After hours passed out, her mother awoke- she thought it was a dream.
She sat up, looked for Sunny and called out her name.
“Mommy,” Sunny cried and the mirror made the mother cry.

The mother gasped, and tried to grasp Sunny’s severed head,
it floated along side the boy’s severed head.
Two voices crept into the mother’s head;
“The old lady finds heads too hard to eat.”

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I think the person I am most surprised to be friends with, has to be most people I am friends with now.  For whatever, reason I do not have friends from before high school. I moved from Illinois to Texas years ago and I guess when you’re younger you never really think about how keeping in touch may be good in the future or how you may never see a particular person again.

For this reason and Others, I do not really expect to keep any friends. I expect people to leave at some point- for good or bad. This leads me to the many I am friends with now. I realize everyone has their quirks and issues, but some people tend to have more than others- I being one of them. I think this is the main reason why I am surprised to be friends with people I currently know. I know I am not the easiest person to get along with nor am I as nice and sweet as I come across. Now I’m not saying I sit and plot the demise of people secretly- only some but I digress…

I just know in my heart that I’m quiet nippy and often don’t deserve the love and friendship that has befallen me. I mean, it’s not like I set out to be overtly quirky in a manner which becomes irksome and I’m not sure why it is that I desire some company yet push many away with my demeanor when they do not satisfy my ch’i in a deeper and heartfelt manner- this explains the existence of my Four Muses (of the Apocalypse- had to throw that phrase in there, lol.)

I guess these are the tangles of life and why I spend time with my books or keeping my mind babies from running with scissors. Perhaps like some Picasso or another painting, one has to look closer to see that it’s not so terrible after all, lol.


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Currently I’m watching one of my favorite movies, You’ve Got Mail. For me it’s one of those movies that are like warm cookies and milk on a cold day- it makes me feel all warm and fuzzy inside and typically I don’t like romantic comedies. One of my favorite parts are when the two main characters talk about the idea of bouquets of sharpened pencils b/c it’s fall and it brings about the feel to buy school supplies. I totally get this notion; I always get excited around the start of fall but then I get all mopey when I remind myself that I have no need for such items given that I am no longer a student- not even a weary but zazzy college student, le sigh.

Oddly enough the film also reminds me of one of my favorite people. He’s interestingly enough, much like the character Tom Hanks plays- smart, all about business, and in your face but in a friendly way.? That part always trips me out! lol. He’s also though, one of my most prized possessions, only in the sense that he is Worth so much. He’s someone that would be fun to make a holiday meal with and it’d be cool to see how it turned out. Then again I could be looking for an excuse to bake a lot of sweet treats this holiday season 😉

This movie gives me the inclination to do is run out and roam a bookstore, curl up in my bed and write, and to sip on a yummy coffee- a pumpkin spice latte comes to mind. It also gives me a kick in the butt to write down books to read, and to buy when I go to a book store. Though I studied literature, there are many through my years of study that I have not read. Many are the classics and/or usual suspects that most high school folk must read. If anyone would like to help get me going on my list I welcome the suggestions 🙂

Now I must go back to the start of my post in which I talk about the characters of the film and their want to purchase school supplies in the fall. Now despite the fact I live in Texas and that takes away from it being cold or even cool enough to fully put me in fall/school supply mood, I would love it if someone were to take that idea of school supply shopping and bouquet of sharpened pencils, and applied it to say Christmas, Valentine’s Day or my birthday. I would absolutely LOVE IT if someone I knew put together an academic gift pack; my suggestions would be as follows: anything Shakespeare oriented- minus things like bobble heads (they irk me for some reason); copies of books- classics I have yet to own; ink for my fountain pen, wax to seal my letters, sassy paper to write letters, unique (w/reg. to ink or appearance) pens or pencils, neat bookmarks, book repair kit, a really old edition of a book I adore, bookends, and the list goes on from there, lol.    

I think what it also boils down to is that the film is a holiday movie for me, given it takes place during Thanksgiving and Christmas. Other movies that give me that holiday feel are: Scent of a Woman, Trading Places, A Christmas Story, and A Charlie Brown Christmas, The Godfather. These films just give me this snuggle up in blanket and enjoy the crisp good vibes of the season- yeah I’m a sucker for twinkling lights, bright shiny things, and warm goodies cooking in the kitchen as well (hopefully they’re done so successfully and with love). I like that the romance takes place around this and that it takes place while the two characters are fighting one another on the business front; love is everywhere I suppose though at present I’m not so prone to readily admit that or fully embrace that as I once did so many moons ago. I’m still ripe from a break up. It’s why I have fully embraced word press and taken it on as a project and goal for myself to write online each day and complete poems for an October writing project centered around the month of October and each day leading up to Halloween.            

In any case, I hope romance with the upcoming holiday season, with a loved one, or a feeling you get during that time or a combination of these few favorite things finds you; and if it does send some to others in need of being a lone read, standing sassy amongst the angst within. Don’t let them be counted amongst the many (it seems), that have lost their ch’i  🙂    

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